I love the book Good Omens, but I wasn’t able to listen to the radio drama when it first came out. So when my sister texts me a few weeks ago (22 days, if you wanna do the math) that she’s found it and gonna burn me a copy, I’m really excited.
Today she gives me four discs labeled Good Omens, and I get in the car and pop the first one in to play….
anakin: when my wife walks down the street, she does not give a shit what anyone thinks of her in any situation. she’s my hero. when i walk down the street, i need everybody, all day long, to like me so much. it’s exhausting.
padme: you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.
obi wan: i’ll keep all my emotions right here. and then one day, i’ll die.
palpatine: and then i said “no.” you know, like a liar.
leia: some people give off a vibe of, right away, they’re like, “do not fuck with me.”
luke: my vibe is more like “hey, you could pour soup in my lap and i’d probably apologize to you.”
han: they’re like, “does that work?” i’m like, “it didn’t NOT work.”
lando: hi, i’m very gay and i’d like a few dollars.
rey: i have had a very long day. i am very small and i have no money. so you can imagine the kind of stress i’m under.
finn: you know those days where you’re like, “this might as well happen”?
poe: i don’t care for these new nazis and you may quote me on that.
kylo: when i’m walking down the street, no one’s ever like, “hey! look at that man!” i think they’re just like, “whoa, that tall child looks terrible! get some rest, tall child!”
rose:
i try to stay optimistic, even though i must admit, things are getting pretty sticky.
So yesterday my grandparents found a big box of old 78s that they’ve had in an attic for years, and wanted me to transfer them to CDs. Most were in pretty great shape, no cracks and few scratches. Lots of 1930s sweet/hot jazz, British big band & swing and a few Decca classical ones. This one had its label peeled/scratched off on the a side, on the reverse was a Parlophone march.
90% sure by playing it it’s unleashed some kind of 70 year old curse.
Oh my god D:
here’s a bad idea: listening to this in the dark by yourself
I heard that some records made during the 30s had laughter on them because they believed that listening to laughter would make others laugh along.
this ancient and forgotten horror, an abomination scratching at the walls of time itself, forbidden by the laws of gods and men, unearthed and resurrected from the archive of my blog in late 2013: “hold. my. fucking. beer.”
Play this for anyone who doesn’t think the Joker should be creepy.
Bugs Bunny could singlehandedly defeat Thanos by dressing up as a TSA agent and setting up a metal detector in the middle of the battlefield saying that all metal objects must be removed if you want to pass on through now stick around for my 2,000 word essay on just how effectively he would convince The Mad Titan to comply
“For shame, doc! Dontcha know we got other folks waiting?”
(Thanos looks behind him and sees dozens of Bugs Bunnies dressed as angry yelling travelers with huge bags of luggage. Thanos rubs his neck guiltily and begins sliding off the gauntlet)
theory: the rest of the world in the Mad Max universe is totally fine and Australia just did that
one lone wastelander manages to sail to new zealand only to find out everything there’s just like… normal
“how did you all manage to survive?”
“survive?”
“the nuclear war??”
“the what”
LMAO but wouldn’t the rest of the world send help or something like that?
nah australians instantly switched over to leather fetish gear, frankenstein trucks, and machine guns the minute shit went south. the UN aid workers got there and saw this
The two most culturally important things from the past few years are Friday by Rebecca Black because we learned we like hating things more than we like liking them and Cookie Clicker cause we figured out the only reason people play video games is to watch the numbers go up and since then we’ve just been applying those lessons to new and better incarnations of those two things.
